It's Been A While...

Well, hello there, sports fans.

It's really been way too long since you last stopped by. What's new on your side?

I've been chaotically busy at work - deliveries, unexpected DVDs for EMI that needed to be made, contracts, month-end... The list actually goes on, but suffice it to say things have been a lighter shade of kak for quite a while.

I do have news, though.

"Harbinger" is still under consideration for publication in the Scottish-based Raw Terror anthology, which is a good sign, I guess. "Disturbing the Peace" - my story of the romantic dismembering of a hapless neighbour - has been very, VERY favourably received by a US publisher. Unfortunately, he'd run out of available space and apparently other authors' work was very, very, VERY favourably received. "Salvation Road", the little gem I left on these electronic pages for you, has also been rejected based on the ambiguity of the ending. I was promised, however, that the editor had had serious thoughts about including it in his magazine.

Oh well, I guess no one's ever won the Nobel Prize for attempted science. And there's no such thing as "pretty good" tightrope artists, right?

So, soldiering on: DTP has been sent to "Demonic Tome" (US), and SR is now under consideration by "The Moonlit Path" (US / Canada). I've had a bit of a chat with Tricia Urlab, the fiction editor for the latter, and think SR may stand a fair shot at finding a home there. If it doesn't, maybe I'll consider re-writing it (although, sometimes it's better to just put it to bed and let it rot). I'm not all that precious about that particular one, though, but I really do hope it finds peace. It'll be quite ironic if that's the first one to find a home.

In terms of the slush pile, that hasn't grown over the past few months: I've been a bit lazy when it comes to knuckling down again. I blame my job. It's difficult to sit on your ass for even an hour and concentrate when there's actually been a 17 inch studded asbestos dildo rammed up for at least ten hours every day.

I do what I do because I love it (keep telling myself that... Over and over... Make it real...)

Ag, fuck it.

At the end of it all, even if I do manage to make headway towards a childhood dream, it doesn't mean shit if all I have to eat every day is a ProVita with mouldy Marmite, right?

On the note of loving things:

ES twisted my arm and procured two bearded dragons for herself, vivarium and all! Now, all we need is an organ-grinding monkey and we can charge entry to our place.

But, I jest.

These little beasts are so freaking cute, you quickly get over the initial gross-out of feeding them live crickets. Rather, suppertime becomes a substitution for prime-time programming on most occassions.

On top of that, I've spoiled myself to my dream bass: an Ibanez SRX 305 Soundgear, with a Laney 15 W practice amp. This black beauty not only has the much-coveted B string and a round sound that's so sweet it's like listening to mice orgasm in an empty steel cylinder, but it gleams! And, being second hand (bought from a musician who tours with the likes of Dozi and Steve Hofmeyer), it (stop laughing) has (no, really, get off the floor) been maintained to perfection and (stop it) cost a fraction of a new SRX 305 Soundgear (Ok, that's it - screw you all off! At least it wasn't Pratricia Lewis).

I think it's great. And I played it and, guess what? I don't suck!

And that's swell.

Tomorrow - for those of you who aren't South African (and those of you who are typically South African) - this country goes to the Democratic [sic] Polls for the umpteenth time. All I can say on the issue is that I hope ******************************************** ***** **************************** f****** f*******, but that m*****f***** ************** * * * ********** * *& *************.

Hey! At least the potholes will be something to grace postcards for years to come!

I've been told I don't have a right to complain about my government because I don't vote.

Here's my argument: Fuck you, dipshit.

Unlike the vast majority of South Africans who register to "make their mark", I'm unfortunately part of the vast minority that pays its taxes so that you wingnuts have resources over which to appoint a government. (Unfortunately, I wasn't 100% sober during the conversation, so this guy walked circles around me... Actually, I was so drunk, the dog had a better understanding of physics than I did at that time, but he came up with this spectacular thing that a "Shareholder can't complain if he's not represented by proxy"... something like that.)

Ummm... You're a douchebag with a hole in it. AND that's MY democratic right to say that. Also, you looked about the right age to start shaving. I attended school with my head under my desk and cops going through our shit.

HIS suggestion was that I'd have a right to complain if I went to the poll and deliberately spoiled my ballot. He didn't seem to understand that, first, that's not really an environmentally friendly way to do fuck all, there are so many less strenuous ways to do fuck all, and, second, that surely that was the equivalent of believing in God IN CASE there's a Hell.

So while you're out there queueing and dehydrating, waiting to get your hands on a pen and ballot that my tax money has paid for, so that you can try tick a box knowing that for every one tick your party gets, the other (and there's no need to name names here) has at least 400 more ticks, I'll be nursing a hangover in front of South Park.

I know what your bleeding and - deliberately obtuse and verbose - liberal heart will say: at least I'm trying to stop them from winning their two thirds! You're (referring to me) doing nothing.

Actually, my friend, I am. By not voting, I am giving out a vote. The issue is this: no matter who's in power, there's going to be fraud, there's going to be corruption, there's going to be incompetence. It's the African way (and that refers to nationality, not skin colour, by the way). I've got a huge issue with the individuals (all of them) standing.

In short, I rebut your eloquent postulations simply: Cram it with wallnuts, dickhole.