Is Ignorance Bliss?

Good question.

And I'm not all that sure I know the answer, but my worldview is more in line with the two soldiers poster. Honestly, I think there are a lot of things out there none of us know about and somehow believe that, because they're unknown or never experienced, those things will never - in some way - touch on our lives.

(While writing the above, I was interrupted by a gentleman from the commercial crime unit who called to let me know he's taken over the case I opened against old numbnuts earlier.) And that's a good example.

We all know there're syndicates out there. We all know they prey on the unweary. And yet, for some sodding reason, no one ever considers themselves unweary. Rather, the crook was always "that much" smarter. I'm starting to wonder if I shouldn't actually take on a bit more of the blame than I already am. After all, my gut feel wasn't right...

Anyway, hindsite's 20:20, isn't it?

But not everything we don't know is negative.

Sometimes, you walk along the pavement, see a wad of paper. If you picked it up, it could be a crumpled R 50 note wrapped in a receipt. It could be a wad of paper. But you never know.

What if I'd moved to England? What if ES and I packed up our stuff, laugh it all off as a bad joke, and head to Europe? Or the States? We could thrive. We could suffer. After all, there's a saying the grass is only greener because there's more shit in the water.

As you can see, I'm feeling rather introspective today. Introspective and, to an extent, reserved. This promotion of mine isn't making me feel any happier - which is what I thought it would have done. Or, at least, should have done. I don't see possibilities or opportunities opening up.

Instead, it's like I'm staring down into a precipice.

I need to write again. Rekindle something creative in my head. Create something like I want it, so I can destroy it like the world's slowly destroying me. I want revenge against the unseen forces that have driven my life so far. Unfortunately, I don't believe any of that will be effective.

At the same time, though, I'm happy. ES and I are very happy together, and trust me I wouldn't change that for all the world.

It's just perverse that there seems to be a cosmic trade off we're all agreed to - whether we like it or not.

If you're happy at home, eff you, your job will suck the dripping wet-end of a donkey's nethers. If you're happy at work, eff you, your private life's about to become that Normandy Beach scene from the opening sequence of Saving Private Ryan.

Enjoy.

Now I'm faced with a Catch-22. It's a viscious cycle I've tried to rectify several times: normally to little or no success. That makes me think: there's something out there I'm not aware of. So it's time to go looking. Surely?

I tend to think there's a sacrifice being demanded of me. One of lifestyle. I need to kiss the lifestyle I know now goodbye, be prepared to take a few steps down, and find a job that'll sustain ES and I (at a somewhat lower comfort zone), but at least allow us to be happy. Hollistically happy, I mean.

Ian's still not replied, and I'll probably start chasing that answer as of tomorrow.

And on that note, I bid you Adieu for now.